Trump Proclaims ‘Victory Day’ Holidays Where You Have To Work

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During the swearing in ceremony of David Purdue as US Ambassador to China, Trump went on a tangent about creating a new sort of holiday called “Victory Day.”

He says it’s a holiday to honor WWII, but we can’t really celebrate it because Americans already have too many holidays off of work. Get it?

Trump’s meandering monologue then transitioned into honoring World War I as well, making it two Victory Days in all. (Just like his ice cream scoops!)

But you still can’t take these days off of work.

Trump is so jealous of Europe, it’s nauseating.

TRUMP: All Americans should take pride in what these incredible patriots have achieved.

So I just want to say happy Victory Day to all.

So we are celebrating every year now.

I can guarantee for four years.

But I think after that, we’re going to have two victory days, World War One and World War Two.

This is World War II, Victory Day.

In the future, we’re going to have a major celebration of each day.

We’re not going to have days off because we don’t have enough days in the year.

We have too many celebrations already.

But we’re going to have Victory Day and first World War One, World War Two.

And without us, those wars would not have been won.

I think we can say that would not have.

Wait, what is a “major celebration” if you can’t celebrate? Will the demented asshole get his tanks rolling down the streets of D.C?

What a stupid fuck!

Every day Trump is in office, I will celebrate “Failure Day!”

Most of the country is seeing that now.

I bet Trump watched Apocalypse Now and he imagined himself being Robert Duvall, shirtless and screaming orders as bullets fly around his head.

You smell that? Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn’t find one of ’em, not one stinkin’ dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell? The whole hill. Smelled like… victory.

Happy Victory Days, plural, America, now get back to work.