And that, friends, is why the anti-vaxxers can, now and forever, go eff themselves.
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, November 15, 2021
Note: This note is sponsored by silence. If you’re still hearing these words in your head as you read them, you should probably try new extra-strength silence. If that doesn’t work, sorry but we’re all out of ideas. Maybe go through your neighbor’s trash for some unused ivermectin, which is not a sponsor of this note but golly we’re just trying to be helpful? —C&J Sales Dept.
Percent of American adults now at least partially vaccinated: 81%
Number of Americans who quit their jobs in September as the sheer volume of available jobs is empowering workers to take their pick: 4.4 million
Percent of Americans who are likely to travel this year for Thanksgiving and Christmas, respectively, versus 21% and 24% last year, according to a new Morning Consult poll: 29%, 33%
Among parents with children under the age of 12, percent who say the availability of vaccines for kids ages 5-11 will make them more likely to travel: 41%
Miles that Pingu the Antarctic penguin had traveled when he was discovered waddling along the coast of New Zealand:1,800
CHEERS to a BFD in BFD Land. President Biden will put his signature on a major piece of his agenda today the usual way presidents do: O.N.E. L.E.T.T.E.R. A.T. A. T.I.M.E. When he’s done six hours later, we can finally fire off the confetti cannon and celebrate our nation’s first Infrastructure Week since he attended the signing (as vice president) of the Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 a generation ago. Unlike that mishmash of projects that no one can remember, this time things are different because someone thought up the brilliant idea of keeping it simple. The major components are so simple, in fact, that they can be scribbled on a cocktail napkin, which I did Saturday night:
To answer your question: Jose Cuervo margarita mix. (Michael’s, not mine.)
Y’know…infrastructure! And while Democrats are celebrating the achievement, Republicans who in any way supported the bill will be cowering in a corner as they deal with death threats from the cult they helped create. Because as everybody knows, fixing potholes is just one step away from tyranny. Or something.
CHEERS to the long arm of the lerr. He’s not larger than life. He’s not a super genius. He’s not dedicated to anything other than hedonistic pleasure for himself and chaos for everyone else. No, he’s just a stupid Breitbart dropout who briefly glommed onto the orange-stained coattails of a guy simultaneously America’s #1 grifter and #1 mark. And today the bum finally poses for his official mug shot:
Former Trump adviser Steve Bannon was indicted by a federal grand jury Friday, charged with contempt of Congress for refusing to answer questions from the House Committee investigating the Jan. 6 Capitol riot. […]
Preview of today’s arraignment.
He was charged Friday with two contempt counts—one for refusing to appear for a deposition and another for declining to produce documents requested by the committee. If convicted, Bannon could face up to a year behind bars and a fine of up to $100,000.
But I do admit that when I think about Steve Bannon rotting in a rat-infested jail cell for an entire year, I feel bad. For the rats.
CHEERS to America’s first shusher. 289 years ago this week, in 1732, the first paid librarian, Louis Timothee, took his place behind a desk after getting hired for the job by none other than Ben Franklin. Other than that, all I know is what Wikipedia tells me:
Timothee was born (in 1699) in Holland to French Huguenot parents. Franklin arranged for Timothee to serve as a part-time librarian for the Library Company of Philadelphia, one of Franklin’s first philanthropic projects.
“Shh!” “Don’t shush me!” “I WILL shush you, it’s a library!” “Well, say it don’t spray it.”
(Needless to say, there was a bit of a settling-in period for Mr. Timothee.)
Franklin started the library July 1, 1731. There was no librarian until November 14, 1732, when Timothee was hired as the first salaried librarian in the American colonies. He was paid three pounds sterling every trimester.
He worked every Wednesday from two to three o’clock and every Saturday from ten to four.
Or as the Republican Freedom Caucus calls him: a workaholic.
CHEERS to Mary Had A Little Lamb. Back in the day, you could play that tune with the buttons on your touch-tone phone, which was invented on this date in 1963. It was almost as awesome as being able to spell out BOOBIES with your calculator by punching in 5318008 and turning it upside down. Man, we were wild back then. You kids have no idea.
Your first name is Get. Your middle name is Me. Welcome to the Abier family, kid.
CHEERS to naming rights. Lost in all the hoopla about trivial issues like infrastructure, abortion bans, and Republicans throwing America into the toilet and flushing, is the most pressing issue of the day: what parents are naming their spawn, of course. So allow me to terminate the suspense: the most popular baby boy names of 2021 were Liam, Noah, and Oliver. Top baby girl names were Olivia, Emma and Amelia. I went through a period of confusion when I was young, thanks to my mom and dad. For the first eighteen years of my life I thought my middle name was Billy and my first name was Dammit.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 15, 2011
CHEERS and JEERS to getting’ the hell outta dodge. The good news: a Russian Soyuz rocket successfully launched two cosmonauts and a U.S. astronaut towards the International Space Station. The bad news: a Russian Mars probe is still hanging over the earth’s head this morning, full of 12 tons of toxic rocket fuel, and they’re having no success communicating with it. But not everyone’s upset about it. When Michele Bachmann heard there was all that fuel in space, she immediately tweeted: Drill There, Drill Now!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to cleansing your cosmic soul. Speaking of space: cast your eyes heavenward this week and you might see some wowee-zowee fireworks in the sky. The Leonid Brezhnev meteor shower—which happens every time Earth plays footsies with Comet Tempel-Tuttle and its debris field—is entering its most Leonidinicious period tomorrow and Wednesday night:
In ideal conditions you can see 10 to 15 meteors at the peak of the shower, according to EarthSky. In 2021, unfortunately, we will have to deal with a waxing gibbous moon, which will make it hard to see fainter meteors. The best time to look it just before dawn Nov. 17 after the moon has set. […]
Leonids are fast: They travel at 44 miles per second and are considered to be some of the fastest meteors out there, NASA said.
Thunder is God bowling. Meteor showers are God playing Atari’s ‘Missile Command.’
In less than 30 minutes in the dark, your eyes will adapt and you will begin to see meteors. Be patient—the show will last until dawn, so you have plenty of time to catch a glimpse
As I like to say, everyone loves meteor showers because they’re beautiful, unite Americans in a common activity, and make lots of people happy and curious about the universe and the wonders of science. Which explains why Republicans in Congress plan to introduce a constitutional amendment banning all future meteor showers.
Oh, and Happy Birthday to Daily Kos’s shrill lefty front-page blogger Mark Sumner…and many blessings on your camels. Have a tolerable Monday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
“As a private citizen, Mr. Moulitsas sent former ad guy, of all people, Bill in Portland Maine into the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool in what he is calling a rubber-ducky ambassador. A guy I would not send to 7-11 to get a Slurpee.”
