Happy National Park Week. Yellowstone was #1 in 1872 (Thank you, U.S. Grant), and we’ve been adding ’em ever since. And you know what else we’ve added? A Native American Secretary of the Interior, who’s logging some impressive mileage during her tenure:
Access to nature and our public lands is essential to connecting with the outdoors. We saw the wonders of Castner Range today from the Knapp Trail. The El Paso community is advancing locally led conservation to ensure everyone has a relationship to this special place. pic.twitter.com/m9N7f9ibOW
Below the fold, a few Monday moments of zen, courtesy of our National Parks…
You can follow Secretary Haaland’s travels on twitter here, and keep up to speed via the Interior Department’s press room here.
Badlands National Park—South Dakota
“The establishment of the National Park Service is justified by considerations of good
administration, of the value of natural beauty as a National asset, and of the
effectiveness of outdoor life and recreation in the production of good citizenship.”
— Theodore Roosevelt —
Acadia National Park (w/ Bass Harbor Lighthouse)—Maine
“The parks do not belong to one state or to one section. The Yosemite, the
Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon are national properties in which every citizen has a
vested interest; they belong as much to the man of Massachusetts, of Michigan,
of Florida, as they do to the people of California, of Wyoming, and of Arizona.”
— Stephen Mather, NPS director 1917-1929 —
Glacier National Park—Montana
“Every national park has its own unique story to tell, yet so much of our nation’s shared
heritage can be found in the towering forests and vast desert expanses that make up
our National Park System. The outdoors has also proven to be a welcome refuge
during the past year of the pandemic. I encourage everyone to enjoy the beauty and
wonder of our national parks safely and responsibly.”
— Secretary of the Interior Deb Haaland —
A few more pics here. Please note that the C&J kiddie pool is not considered an official national park. But the paperwork has been submitted. Now comes Step 2: convincing Kos to stop un-submitting it.
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Monday, April 18, 2022
Note: Shortcrust tart pastry war breaks out at bakers convention. Flyin’ flan at 11.
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By the Numbers:
12 days!!!
Days ’til the start of the Memorial Day weekend: 39
CHEERS to being patriotier than thou. Today is Patriot’s Day (yes, that’s where the apostrophe goes up here), a commemoration of the skirmishes at Lexington and Concord that sparked our War of Independence 247 years ago. Only three states are flagpinny enough to make it an official holiday—Maine, Wisconsin and Massachusetts. The big event today is the 126th Boston Marathon. (Send your positive vibes to Maudlin, who’s running in it today as a proxy for all of us.) As usual, I’ll go out on a limb and predict that the winners will be the secretly-Obama-trained Kenyans unless the nerd from MIT perfects his rocket shoes in time…and someone can achieve the impossible by waking him up before noon.
CHEERS and JEERS to tax day. We didn’t get the deadline extension we got last year (May 17th)—Thanks a lot, Sleepy Joe!—but in deference to to the Romans nailing Christ to the cross in an orgy of sadism that would later give Mel Gibson an erection lasting his entire life, we did get an extra weekend to do our taxes. Unless you file an extension, you have until midnight to COMPLY WITH ALL APPLICABLE TAX LAWSOR FACE THE HARSHEST OF PENALTIES UP TO AND INCLUDING CRUCIFIXTION BECAUSE WE’RE IN THAT KIND OF MOOD SO DON’T TEST US.
Taxes are good because they pay for things like roads and bridges and the social safety net and missiles with which to sink Russian ships. Taxes are bad because rich people don’t pay nearly enough of them and a lot of the money goes into giant sinkholes like unnecessary gifts to the oil companies. But, hey, at least it’s exponentially easier to fill out our forms, thanks to the geniuses-with-money Republicans oh wait no that was all bullshit they suck…
It was a selling point for the Republican tax overhaul in late 2017: A promise that the new law would simplify the nation’s confusing tax code to the point people would be able to file their returns on “a postcard,” saving people time and making it easier for Americans to fill out tax forms.
The postcard idea died because Trump kept getting orange goo all over the prototypes.
President Donald Trump once boasted in the White House that families would “be able to file their taxes on a beautiful, little sheet of paper.” … But after a single, messy year of use, the tax “postcard” is dead.
The Internal Revenue Service abandoned the smaller 1040 form after…receiving complaints from tax professionals and interest groups that it was more complicated than it needed to be, Bloomberg Tax first reported.
That’s right, ladies and germs: the Republicans couldn’t even do a postcard right. This morning in the C&J rumpus room: fainting couch rentals—30 minutes for five bucks. Plus tax.
CHEERS to Saddle Sores for Freedom. On this date in 1775, Paul Revere, William Dawes and Samuel Prescott hopped on their hoverboards and trundled from Boston to Concord, Mass., warning the citizens of the approaching British army (Prescott was the only one with enough juice to make it all the way). Their focus group-tested talking point: “The British Are Coming.” Tomorrow: The thrilling conclusion.
CHEERS to defeating the evildoers. As much as I hate to start a new week with news from the war front, it’s my solemn obligation as America’s 965,228th-most-trusted journalist to do the deed. But this morning it’s good news!
The word came down late last week that the tyrants behind so much death and destruction took a big hit from which there may be no bouncing back. They were so dead-set on bullying and intimidating their way to the achievement of their nefarious goal of world domination that they forgot one simple thing: as the oligarch money hoarders enjoyed their yachts and pleasure palaces, the rebellion was stiffening its resolve and outsmarting them under the radar. One by one they picked off the opposition’s weapons of mass destruction, and last week they achieved their biggest victory yet, when the enemy’s greatest hope sank under the waves like a stone. But enough about how wind power produced more energy than coal and nuclear in the United States. Anyone know how Russia’s war with Ukraine is going?
JEERS to disrespecting the one whut brung ya to the dance. Just a quick reminder that Rupert Murdoch’s flagship propaganda outlet has been crazy for a long time. Seven years ago this week, Fox News openly wondered if we should bring back literacy tests during elections so that we don’t have a bunch of dense, paranoid, ignorant, fact-averse cultists voting on the critical issues and candidates of the day. But they quickly stopped pushing that idea when they remembered one niggling little detail: who their viewers are.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 18, 2012
JEERS to the return of the Party of “No!” Republicans will fight tooth and nail to defund PBS (roughly $400 million per year) because “a penny saved is a penny earned.” But they won’t vote for a 30% minimum income tax on millionaires—the so-called “Buffett rule” which failed last night in the Senate in a 51 to 45 cloture vote—because, apparently, “A penny saved is a shut the fuck up you stupid Democrats.” And there ya have it. GOP Hypocrisy in all its glory—no subtlety, no second-guessing, no shame. And in return, keep those campaign contributions comin’, Astors and Vanderbilts. You…complete them.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the sounds of our lives.The Library of Congress has added another 25 American audio gems to its National Recording Registry, a list of audio bon mots that ranges from the speeches of FDR to Nat King Cole’s The Christmas Song…from James P. Johnson’s Harlem Strut (1921) to Milo Hamilton’s 1974 play-by-play of Hank Aaron’s 715th home run on Atlanta radio station WSB.
“The National Recording Registry reflects the diverse music and voices that have shaped our nation’s history and culture through recorded sound,” Hayden said. “The national library is proud to help preserve these recordings, and we welcome the public’s input. We received about 1,000 public nominations this year for recordings to add to the registry.”
I had a “briefcase-style” record player similar to this one as a kid, but mine came with a built-in machine gun.
The recordings selected for the National Recording Registry bring the number of titles on the registry to 600, representing a small portion of the national library’s vast recorded sound collection of nearly 4 million items.
Under the terms of the National Recording Preservation Act of 2000, the Librarian of Congress, with advice from the National Recording Preservation Board, selects 25 titles each year that are “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant” and are at least 10 years old.
You can see all the entries going back to the Registry’s beginning in 2002 here. Failing to make the list for the 20th year in a row: “Bill in Portland Maine Belches the Alphabet.” I have one word for this election system: Rigged!!!
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
Russian State TV Pundit Goes Ballistic After Warship Sinks in Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool: ‘We Should Bomb Bill in Portland Maine!’
