Maybe if we throw in a free lollipop, like we do with crying children?
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, November 4, 2021
Note: C&J will not appear here on Monday, as we will be returning from a weekend-long seminar on how to turn a clock back one hour. Back Tuesday, unless something goes disastrously wrong and the instructor blows up the time-space continuum. But that rarely happens, usually. —Mgt.
Minimum number of people around the world who have died of Covid-19 as of this week: 5 million
Factor by which Democrats outnumber Republicans in New York City: 7-to-1
Estimated actual cost of the bullshit Arizona election “audit” by the Cyber Ninjas, 50% higher than previous reports: $9 million
Percent of Maine’s total population that’s vaccinated against Covid-19: 70%
Chronological rank of Vermont Supreme Court Justice Beth Robinson among lesbians who have been confirmed to a federal circuit court, as she was this week (2nd Circuit): #1
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
I say unto you, you do not know what courage is until you have sat in the basement of a Holiday Inn in Fritters, Alabama, with seven brave souls, led by a librarian, who are fixing to form a chapter of the Ay Cee Ell You.
They are always driven to this extreme by local pinheads who not only don’t get the Bill of Rights but are eager to trash it.
I have been called in through the American Library Association on some bizarre cases: say, the local Christian fundamentalists have decided talking animals are satanic, and consequently, they demand The Three Little Pigs, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, and The Wind in the Willows be removed from the town library.
—From Bill of Wrongs (with Lou Dubose, Random House, 2008)
CHEERS to happy endings. Voters in New Jersey tossed us a bit of a fright Tuesday when they nearly gave a member of The Cult the keys to the governor’s office. Happy to say the votes have been tallied and Phil Murphy has won a second term—the first Democrat to do that in over 40 years. The Cult, of course, is feeling—ironically—blue today, and to them all I can do is offer this inspiring bit of time-worn Republican wisdom:
And God Bless Us One and All.
CHEERS to sticking to your guns. Turns out “Striketober” is going to continue for 10,000 workers at John Deere (the farm implement company, not to be confused with toilet manufacturer for does and bucks Deer John). They took a vote to end their strike for better wages and working terms, and said….eh, we’re not quite there yet:
Members have demanded an end to the “two-tier” compensation system established at Deere in 1997, creating lesser health and pension benefits for new hires. They wanted to see post-1997 workers put on the same path as “legacy” employees. The contract rejected Tuesday would not have eliminated that system.
When Michael and I go on vacation, we always take two things: our Deere and the scenic route.
Many workers may also be holding out for better raises in a subsequent deal.
Also on their wish list: free use of a loaner combine for all employees when their cars are in the shop. It’s only fair.
CHEERS to #1. Here’s a little election milestone from the archives: it was 97 years ago today, back in 1924, when Nellie Tayloe Ross became the first elected woman governor in U.S. history. She ran in Wyoming in the wake of her husband, Gov. William Ross’s death from appendicitis, but was careful to avoid any public display of ambition for the job as that wouldn’t be ladylike. Her modest agenda soon mushroomed, oddly enough, into one of great ambition:
[R]equiring cities, counties, and school districts to have budgets; stronger state laws regulating banks; exploration of better ways to sell Wyoming’s heavy crude oil; earmarking some state mineral royalties for school districts; obtaining more funds for the university; improving safety for coal miners; protecting women in industrial jobs; and supporting a proposed amendment to the U.S. Constitution that would cut back on child labor.
These ideas all came from solid, Progressive thinking. But Nellie was the first governor to back them in Wyoming.
She lost her reelection, but kept plenty busy turning out the women’s vote for FDR and spending 20 years as the first woman director of the U.S. Mint. Died at 101, her life spanning presidents Grant through Carter. Currently three of our ten sitting female governors (including states and territories) are Republican. But Ross was first. And as with so many firsts in politics and civil rights, the letter next to her name was a big ol’ D.
CHEERS to a moment day of zen. Take a moment today to stop, put your brain in neutral, and take some deep cleansing breaths. Why? because November 4th is National Stress Awareness Day. Stress awareness is especially important on the road these days, I think we can all agree. To inform motorists around you who might not know this, we suggest you drive up right behind them, honk your horn several times, stick your head out the window and yell, “Hey, jerkface! If you weren’t so stupid and ignorant you might know it’s National Stress Awareness Day!” They’ll appreciate the reminder and will probably respond with a friendly wave. Thanks for doing your part. Together we can make a difference.
JEERS to little green footballs. 69 years ago this week, in 1952, Clarence Birdseye first marketed frozen peas. We hate ’em—they’re stinky, pungent and squishy—and anyone who thinks otherwise must be a socialist Marxist commie. But we’ll say this: if you’re packin’ a spoon, they make awesome catapult ammo at the Thanksgiving dinner table. (Especially if you’re sitting across from Uncle MAGA.)
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 4, 2011
JEERS to the most frightening thing you’ll read all day. When I saw this in Georgia10’s Pundit Roundup, I nearly choked on my bowl of breakfast kibble. Pamela Geller, the undisputed queen of the conservative blogosphere (sorry, Michelle Malkin, you jumped the shark when you pulled out the pom-poms), plans to follow Herman Cain all the way down the disgraced-rat hole, saying: “I endorse Herman Cain. What he doesn’t know, we’ll teach him.” Yeah, that’ll come in real handy in the Situation Room: “Sorry, General, but Ms. Geller here says the only way we’ll get Ahmadinejahd to stop calling us names is a full-scale nuclear strike. Gimme the launch codes. And you better post more guards behind the moat.” Yeah. Real handy.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to all-new adventures in the galaxy far, far away. Riding high on the coattails of The Mandalorian (which helped get the sour taste out of our mouths from the frantic everything-but-the-kitchen-sink gobbledygook that was Rise of Skywalker), the Star Wars universe is set to unveil its next episodic adventure on Disney+ next month: The Book of Boba Fett. Apparently the bounty hunter who became a fan favorite all the way back in 1980’s The Empire Strikes Back has his sights set on claiming the turf once lorded over by gangster Paul LePage Jabba the Hutt on Tatooine. Very exciting, especially the casting of Temuera Morrison, who played Boba’s dad Jango Fett in the prequel movie Attack of the Clones. Here’s a look…
