[A]pproximately one fourth of all fertilized eggs are swept out on the menstrual tide before they even get near to implanting themselves in the uterine wall, and we do not hold funerals over Kotex or Tampax.
I suggest to you this means that the beginning of life is not a single specific event, but rather a process that deserves increasing respect as it continues toward birth—precisely the tripartite system set up under Roe v. Wade (and if you hear Roe v. Wade described as “abortion on demand,” you are listening to a liar).
I respect those who oppose abortion, but I do not think they have a right to use the law as an instrument of coercion against people who do not believe (and it is a matter of faith) as they do. … There were an estimated one million abortions a year in this country before Roe. Abortion can be safe and legal, or dirty and illegal. It cannot be stopped.
—From Who Let the Dogs In? (2004)
Coming soon to a Republican-controlled state legislature near you: the Mandatory Funerals for Kotex and Tampax Act of 2022.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 4, 2022
Note: Happy Star Wars Day. May the Fourth be with you…
CHEERS to face time. Hey, did you know that Daily Kos turns 20 this month? It’s true! Among the ways we’re marking the occasion is with a little online get-together on Zoom two weeks from Friday, and you’re invited. Organizer Chris Reeves has the early details:
On May 20, we are holding a virtual Cheers & Jeers meetup once again…a chance to join with your fellow members of Daily Kos for an evening of fun, pop-ins, and the chance for all of us to talk about anything we desire.
May 20th.
It is a lot easier to appreciate someone when they step out from behind the keyboard and you can see them in real life. COVID, however, has changed so much about our ability to come together and just talk.
On May 20, we’re going to host the second Cheers & Jeers virtual gathering via Zoom. While it isn’t quite the same as meeting in person, it is definitely a chance for everyone to hear each other and talk about their own cheers and jeers.
I think we’ll start around 6pm EDT and it’ll run—for me at least—until shortly before I have to post the Friday C&J around 7:30. It won’t be the big Bob Fosse-style production we put on last year that left half of the staff in traction for weeks. Just a low-key affair this time, to jawbone while swigging your favorite cocktail or ivermectin smoothie. To get in our secret club, you need to RSVP to Chris via kosmail. Drop him a line hereand he’ll put you on the list. Shortly before the event, he’ll send you the info for logging in to the Zoom account. As always with these formal blogger galas, pants are optional.
CHEERS to hoosegows for gougers. Another January 6thinsurrectionist—a real piece of work, this one—will be cleaning prison toilets with a toothbrush for a spell. Asshole is an ex-Marine and an ex-cop who decided it would be a swell idea to shred the oaths he took to defend the Constitution and take out his “economic anxiety” on his fellow cops. A jury concluded that he needs a little time-out, like maybe for the rest of his miserable existence on Planet Earth:
In the weeks following the Capitol attack, Thomas Webster turned himself into a New York FBI field office.
Traitors have such a poetic way with words.
He was arrested and charged, and a superseding indictment was filed late last year accusing him of multiple counts, including violence and disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds. A Washington, D.C. jury convicted him on all charges, including assaulting a police officer, on Monday after only a few hours of deliberation, WUSA’s Jordan Fischer reported.
After crossing onto restricted grounds, the government alleged Webster yelled at one of officers, “You f***ing piece of shit. You f***ing Commie motherf***ers, man.” He then allegedly used the flagpole against the officer, swinging over the police line.
He’ll be sentenced in September. Until then, the traitor who tried to overthrow the United States government gets to sleep in his own bed; he’s on 24-hour home detention but has to wear an ankle monitor. If there’s any justice it’ll play Battle Hymn of the Republic every hour on the hour—a little musical torture to remind him who won the Civil War.
CHEERS to connecting the docs. The American Medical Association, which is rapidly coming around in favor of a single-payer health care system, was formed 175 years ago today. Medical professionals from 22 states and 28 medical schools attended to hear such topics as: “How to Smoke a Stogie Properly Over an Open Wound,” “Why Drugs Will Never Replace A Good Arsenic Tincture” and Ether: Your Trusted After-hours Friend. On their first day they unanimously approved the association’s motto which is still in place today: “E PluribusThree O’clock Tee Time.”
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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Timelapse of Europa & Io passing over Jupiter’s Great Red Spot, shot from space probe Cassini. pic.twitter.com/V9t5QnvDYg
JEERS to a predictable outcome. Midterm primary elections started yesterday in states I haven’t bothered to check. But I heard that there was a Republican primary in Ohio for the U.S. Senate seat being vacated by a pasty-faced male MAGA cultist, and I can tell you without any hesitation that, in the battle to replace him with either a pasty-faced male MAGA cultist or a pasty-faced male MAGA cultist (not to mention the other two pasty-faced male MAGA cultists), MAGA cultists totally zigged when everyone thought they’d zag, choosing the pasty-faced male MAGA cultist over the pasty-faced male MAGA cultist. Who says there’s no diversity on the right?
JEERS to itchy trigger fingers. Fifty-two years ago today, National Guard troops fired on Vietnam War protesters at Ohio’s Kent State University, killing four students and injuring 12 in 13 seconds. (The site is now designated Ohio’s 76th national Historic Site.) The question that may never be answered: what possessed the Guard to use live ammo when they could’ve pacified the crowd with a plate of hash brownies? A permanent blemish on my home state’s record.
P.S. Imagine if all the students had been walking around with concealed (or even open-carry) weapons so they could “stand their ground,” a concept that makes Republicans salivate every time they think about it. That would’ve worked out swell that day, huh. Real swell.
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 4, 2012
JEERS to tactics of the lowlife. OMG!!! I saw a billboard by the Heartland Institute with a huge photo of the Unabomber that says: ”I still believe in global warming. Do you?” So I got to thinkin’ real hard, and…dang. If that’s the case—if Ted Kaczynski really still believes in global warming—well, then, I can’t believe in global warming anymore. Because if the Unabomber believes in it, and I believe in it, then that would mean I’M A UNABOMBER TOO AND I’M NOT!!! Thank you, Heartland Institute, for posting that billboard. Without false equivalence I’d be so lost.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the Great Restoration of Aught 22. Yesterday we mentioned in our award-winning column that we were heading to our ophthalmologist to get some scar tissue obliterated by the Jewish space laser…a byproduct (the scar tissue, not the laser) of double cataract surgery we had in 2019, which was a byproduct of chemotherapy a couple years earlier. All I can say is wowie zowie. At 11:15am and 32 seconds everything in my life looked like this:
Yesterday I thought this was a pickle factory. I see now that it’s a battleship.
And at 11:15am and 58 seconds…it didn’t. Holy cow. Everything’s crisp and clear and colorful again: the marbled colors of the squirrels’ coats. The green grass. The blue skies. The blossoms on the trees. The daffodils and crocuses. The twinkle in my partner Michael’s eyes. The cigarette butts in the gutter. The accumulated dust in the house. The butt crack of the plumber working on a clog in the neighbor’s kitchen. The blond patches of shed dog hair. The fresh orange-green cat vomit. Gaaahhhh…when did these elephantine wrinkles take up residence on my hands??? “Hello, Doc? Do you do laser un-do surgery? Asking for a bloated ego.”
Have a happy humpday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
“We conclude that Daily Kos’s flag-raising program does not express government speech. As a result, Markos’srefusal to let Bill in Portland Maine fly his underwear violated the Free Speech Clause of the First Amendment.”
